Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Sometimes you just HAVE to let go.....

2 days ago I had to do the hardest thing I have EVER done.  I had to take my Husband to the Airport and say good-bye to him.  We had the BEST 2 weeks together.  We spent every minute together.  On the way to the Airport I just knew that I was going to break down in the Airport when he had to walk away from us.  Kadynce didnt quite understand what was going on (thank gosh)!  She just sat in her stroller as we walked in to get Bill checked in for his flight.  Thats when my tears started.  We walked over to the security check point and decided that we would just say our good-byes then instead of waiting until he had to board the plane.  I TOTALLY LOST IT!!!  All I could do was hold him in my arms and I definitely didnt want to let go.  As I stand there bawling my eyes out and have everyone looking at us, Bill says his good-byes to Kadynce.  That made me cry more.  She was so use to her Daddy being around and now he had to walk away from her.  Bill hugged me and kissed me one last time.  I didnt want to let him go......but I knew I had to!!!  So, Kadynce and I stand there and watch him go through security.  Kadynce starts to wave at her Daddy and then starts to cry because she dont understand why hes not turing around and coming back or waving back to her.  We stood there for about 5 more minutes as I just bawled my eyes out.  Once we got to the car in the parking lot, all I could do was sit there and cry.  I just could not tell myself to leave.  I knew that my whole world was sitting in that Airport and was leaving soon.  I felt like my world was ending.  My heart was breaking but I had to pull myself together so Kadynce didnt see my tears.  As I pulled out of the parking lot, all I could do was cry.  I cried for 20 minutes after I left the Airport.  It had to be the HARDEST day in my life.  It was a difficult afternoon and evening.  I had to hide my tears until Kadynce went to bed.  I dont want her to see her Mommy cry.  I dont want her to know how much I hurt because I am not with her Daddy.  She has enough hurt of her own.  She knows who her Daddy is.....and knows now that he is not here with us.  It has been hard for me to hear her call his name.  We look at his pictures every day....many times a day!  Every time I am on the phone with someone she thinks that it is him.  I know that in 9 months we will be together again......but it is going to be a LONG 9 months.  :'(

Yesterday I became 37 weeks.  It has been a rough 3 weeks.  I have had LOTS of contractions that are very regular and I am still dilated to 4 cm.  We were hoping that Bill would be able to see Bradyn be born while he was here on leave but that didnt happen.  So, we are sticking with our plan and going to Skype it.  As of now, if Bradyn is not born before my appointment next week then we are going to schedule an induction for the 20th of April.  So no matter what in 2 weeks my baby boy will be here!  I CANT WAIT!!! 

I love my family SO VERY MUCH and cant wait until we are together again!!!  <3

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