Emotions

It has only been a few days since Bill left....and its definitely an emotional roller coaster.  I have only teared up a couple times so far, which is good for me!!  Kadynce has been saying that she misses her Daddy a lot and will see him in a long time.  She marks off the days on the calendar everyday...once day closer!!  Bradyn....well, he's having a rough time.  He has cried every day so far because he wants his Dad.  He knows that it is going to be a long time before he sees his Daddy again but he just wants him home.  Its rough on my emotions seeing them get sad.  I just have to take a deep breath and calm us all down.  

Not having my other half in the house.....is weird!  Its quiet.  Its NOT normal!  I hate the silence of him not being home.  

So far....overall it has been good.  I thought that the first week or so was going to be the worst...if this is, then the rest of the time should be a breeze!!  

Until you are in MY shoes...

A LOT has happened in the last month!  We went to Louisiana to spend time with my Husbands family but especially his Daughter Lauren!  We had a BLAST!  We got there a couple days before Kadynces Birthday, were there for Laurens Birthday, and left about a week before Bradyns Birthday.  All of the kids are 9 days apart from each other....crazy huh?!?  We left on a Monday morning....not knowing what was happening back in Iowa.  My Brother posted some things on Facebook....and was saying his good-byes.  To my surprise, a couple hours later, I talked to my Dad and my Brother had committed suicide.  We were on the road to Houston to stay with Bills Cousin for the night so we could fly to California the next morning when I got the phone call!  I felt like my world had ended....but that wasnt the end of it!  I had to call my Mom and tell her what had happened.  She was at work...!  :(  After I talked to my Mom, I called everyone that I could in my address book on my phone.  I didnt want anyone to have to read it on the internet or get hear say.  I tried my damnest to make sure they all got a phone call.  Bill and I talked about all of the options and made the decision to not travel back to Iowa for the services.  We didnt want to take the chance on having to pay more money or not make it back to Japan in time before Bills leave was over.  When we finally arrived in Houston, there were a couple hours when I could get my mind off of everything.  We sat outside in the gorgeous weather, Bill and the kids were in the hot tub, and we ate pizza for dinner.  After the kids got settled down, Bill and I laid on the bed.  Bill fell right to sleep but all I could think about now was Tim.  I could see him standing there telling me not to worry about anything....its all taken care of!  He kept telling me that he was happy, that he knows that this was the right choice.  After 2 hours of sleep, we had to get up, eat, and drive to the Airport.  We had A LOT of traveling to do the next few days!  We made it to California, and it still had not sunk in yet.  The next day, we flew to Hawaii.  Thats when it started to hit me.  Here I was, on a beach in Waikiki, playing with my kids, and realizing that I will never get to hear my Brothers voice again.  Then I think, I can hear him when ever I want.  He will be with me all of the time and no matter what I am doing!!  We were in Hawaii for 2 days before getting a flight home to Japan.  While in Hawaii, I received a couple nasty messages on my Facebook asking why I was not going home, how Im a piece of shit, etc.  So, I posted it on my Wall so everyone could see the crap I had to deal with even though it was a TOUGH decision....one of the HARDEST that we ever had to make!!  After getting back to Japan, I had a couple ROUGH nights.  Every time I would close my eyes, I could just see Tim.  I went and got a tattoo so I will always know that Tim is with me!  It has helped me A LOT!  Ive had LOTS of compliments on it and it means a lot!  It hurt like HELL but it was totally worth the 2 hours of pain!  Im pretty sure that Tim was there with me drinking a Bud Light and trying to get me to laugh!  :)   

It has been 3 weeks since everything has happened.  It STILL hasnt sunk in all of the way.  I STILL have moments where I just cry.  I look at his pictures and think of all of the GREAT memories that we had.  I think of all of the memories that he will miss....and then a thought comes across my mind...he isnt missing anything...he is right here with us. 

Until you are in my shoes, nobody can judge.  No comments can be made.  NOTHING!  Until you are in my shoes, you will NEVER know the sacrifices that a Military family HAS to make!  Until you are in my shoes, you will NEVER know what its like to miss the moments that you can only wish you were there for!  Until you are in my shoes, you will NEVER understand!!!  <3

Tim-I know that you understand and thats all that matters!  We love you and I will talk to you soon!!!  :)   

  

In the blink of an eye...

In the blink of an eye it is now almost February!  Bradyn is now 9 months, Kadynce is about 22 months, and Bill and I will be celebrating our 4 year anniversary next week!  Time is going SO fast!!!

Kadynce started school last week and she is loving it!  She loves going and seeing her friends. 

Bradyn is now standing with the help of things and starting to walk with them.  Soon, he will be walking on his own!  WOW!

Bill leaves for a month starting next week.....of course, on our anniversary!  It couldnt be a day later....ugh!!  :(  Im not too sure what we are planning on doing for the morning since he dont leave until the afternoon, but Im sure it wont be anything too crazy!

Ive been sewing A LOT lately and have started a mini business.  Ive been making quilts, pillows, and diaper bags.  Ive had a few orders so far and have completed 2.  Only a couple more to go but Im sure by then, Ill have more!  :)  I find it very relaxing to sew and cant wait to get to work on the next projects!!

Bringing in the New Year with a BANG!!!

I havent written in here for a LONG time!  Since it is now 2012, one of my goals is to write in here more. 

Things have been going GREAT!  Bill has been home a month and a half so far.  It seems like just yesterday that he got home.  I LOVE him being home!  It has definitely been an adjustment but SO worth it!  I hate being apart from him!!  Who wouldnt hate it??  The one person in the WORLD that you love more than ANYTHING and would do ANYTHING for is gone...what are you suppose to do?  It SUCKS!  I am not sugar coating it for anyone...I wouldnt wish it on anyone at all!

Talking about that, I found out the my BFF has to deploy again.  She went a few years ago in my position.  I had knee surgery so I wasnt able to go.  She decided that she wanted to go in my spot.  I love her for that!  She had a great time but I still missed her!  This time, her and her Husband are going at the same time.  That will be great for both of them! 

The kids are getting BIG!  We just had their pictures taken on the beach and they turned out AMAZING!  Deneil Bradford did an AMAZING job!  She will definitely be taking our pictures again!!

We got to Skype with my Mom the other day...we all enjoyed that!  She LOVED being able to see the kids and how big they have gotten.

Well, thats a wrap for now, but I WILL write more soon!!!    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! :)

tick...tick...tick!!!

Time seems to be going pretty fast, but yet so slow.  My Grandma has been here for 10 days so far and is loving it!  We are going to be going to the Marine Corps Birthday Ball tomorrow night and we are both really excited!  Before she leaves, we will be going to the Aquarium, the Botanical Gardens, the Pineapple Factory, and Shuri Castle.  Im excited to get out and sight see since I didnt do that too much when I was here before.

Not too much longer and Bill will be home.  I cant wait!!!  Time needs to fast forward.  Im SO excited for him to see the kids and meet Bradyn for the first time!  Ill definitely try to take pictures....but not too sure how well they will turn out with tears coming down my face!  lol

Well, just thought that I would write a little note in here to keep everyone updated.  Ill definitely post pictures after the MC Ball tomorrow night!  :)

Home Sweet Home!

Im FINALLY back in Okinawa.....and have Grandma with me!  We got here last Friday (5 days ago).  Time has went fast so far, but thats okay.  We have just been around the house most of the time getting things cleaned and organized.  We have been on a few trips out in to town and Grandma is always in awe.  There is SO much to see and take in.  This weekend I am getting a sitter so Grams and I can have time together for a few hours.  Then, next Tuesday is the Ball.  We are both really excited.  I cant believe that I talked Grams in to wearing a dress AND wearing make-up!  lol  We will definitely take LOTS of pictures! 

Im SO excited for Bill to get home.  Not too much longer!!!!  :)  Im REALLY excited for him to take some leave so it is just US as a FAMILY!  Ahh.....Im thinking that I will be in HEAVEN when that time comes!

Well, time to get all of us settled for the night.  Ill keep everyone updated on how things are going!  :)

In the blink of an eye....

Im thinking that in the blink of my eyes, I will be in Japan with my kids and my Grandma.  Time has been going by VERY fast.  Im am ALL ready to go....just waiting for our flight date to get here.  Things have been pretty crazy and busy the last week or so.  I am FINALLY moved out of the apartment......which was a little sad since that was home for so many months.  I am now living with my International Sidekick Keri (AKA my Cousin!!)  It has been great to have her around.  Im going to miss her and her boys SOO much!  We have gotten soo much closer in the last few months.  But, Im also SOO ready to be back with my Husband.  I cannot wait until I get the call saying that he will be back on a certain day.  Im counting down until the day that I was told that he will be back but as a Military Spouse....you know that things ALWAYS change and you cannot think that it will go as planned. 

We have quite a bit planned while my Grandma is in Japan with me.  She is going to be there for a WHOLE month!  Im totally excited and I know that she is too. 

Kadynce has been doing pretty well with her attitudes lately so I am hoping that this stage goes away soon!!!  lol  Bradyn is awake more often and definitely WAY more alert.  He will be crawling soon....and Im soo excited!  He usually just scoots backwards since he hasnt figured out how to go forwards yet....haha.  :)  Im thinking that Kadynce is waiting for her Daddy to get home so she can start talking.  She has her own words that she says and I can only understand a few of them sometimes. 

Im hoping to be able to blog one or two more times before I leave for Japan in a 9 days but only time will tell since there is LOTS going on!!!  :)